Coming Undone

"And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive. 

With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone. 

And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.  

With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone. 

And I cannot hold it in, remain composed. 

Love's taken over me, so I propose the letting myself go. 

I am letting myself go."

These lyrics are from one of David Crowder Band's songs entitled "You Are My Joy," and they have been the anthem of my heart this week.  I was writing in my journal and reflecting on how the Lord is moving in my heart right now and the words of these songs burned in my mind.

I was at my small group and we were reading through the passage in Ezekiel about the valley of dry bones and how the Lord pieces together the bones and then breathes life into His new creation.  This image of God's breath giving birth to new life is simply amazing to me.  In the story, the bones are brought together to form a body, but until the Lord breathes the breath of life into them, they are still dry and dead.  To me, the dry bones in my life are not simply things that are absent from my life or relationship with God.  In fact, I think many of the things I would identify as dry bones are actually gifts and passions that the Lord has created uniquely in my heart that are not filled with vitality and the fullness of life.  Let me explain what I mean.

God has given me a heart for a lot of things - I am passionate about relationships and figuring out how I can better love my neighbors.  I have empathy for the pain and need that is so ubiquitous - but so often I stop short of compassion and settle for charity.  I believe that God breaks our hearts for the things and causes that break His heart, but He does not stop there.  It is not enough for my heart to ache for the pain and brokenness that are all around - God is calling me to step out in faith and put my love into action.  My desire is that I would allow God to transform my desires into action and learn to love others better.

One of the questions in our discussion on the passage in Ezekiel was "What prevents the dry bones in your life from being restored?"  As soon as I read the question I knew the answer - fear.  I am crippled by fear of so many things, none of which are bigger than God, but I let myself believe they are.  The fear of being wrong, of failing, of being judged, of being rejected, of being labeled, or of being forced into a mold, of being made uncomfortable, of being drawn out of my comfort zone, of the unknown, and even the fear of being right and knowing that if I am then my life should look radically different than it does right now.

These are just a few of my fears, but I can rest in the fact that God is sovereign over all of them, and He is the ultimate power and authority in my life.  He is bigger than my fears and He is the one who breathes life into my dry bones.  And so, as the lyrics of the song suggest, I propose letting myself go.  Letting go of all my fears and apprehensions as I seek the Lord and try to figure out how I can love and serve Him with reckless abandon because nothing else in this world has any value outside of Him.  His breath is in my lungs and I am coming undone in the most beautiful way imaginable.