Phenomenal

This weekend I had the amazing opportunity to go to Assurance UMC in Huntersville, NC for the annual Women's Retreat with Wesley Foundation.  It was a weekend of fellowship, relaxing, and growing together as daughters of Christ.  The theme of the retreat was Psalm 139:13-14 and how each and every one of us has been created as a phenomenal woman of Christ...not just adequate or good-enough, but phenomenal, beautiful, and downright beloved by God.

I had the opportunity to write a devotional for our retreat weekend booklet, and I wanted to share it with y'all.  So here is the devo I wrote reflecting on the weekend's theme and what it means to be a daughter of the King...

"I am going to be honest, it feels really awkward for me to be writing a devo about self-worth and the importance of understanding your identity in Christ. That’s probably because this has been and will probably always be one of the hardest things for me to grasp and the biggest struggle in my walk with God. The powerful message of God’s grace is one of those things that I theoretically believe because I have been told my whole life that I am beautiful and created in God’s image. I am told that I am Christ’s beautiful daughter with whom He is well pleased – I am precious to Him. And all these things are beautiful truths that I desperately wish I believed, but why is it so hard for me to believe these words and truly accept my identity in Christ?

My perspective is skewed and I don’t see myself in the way that God sees me. When I look in the mirror I don’t always see someone who feels loving and I certainly don’t always see someone who feels perfectly created. I usually see awkwardness, imperfections, and a never-ending list of things I wish I could improve. I spend so much time and energy focusing on what I want to change about myself instead of focusing on how God has given me a unique and individual personality. I think this is something we all struggle with – we worry so much about trying to be perfect, with some distorted desire to earn God’s acceptance. We waste energy striving instead of resting in the reality of our new identity as daughters of Christ. This pre-occupation with feeling unworthy and unlovable has the power to wreck our relationships and our understanding of who God is and what it means to abide in His love.

Last year I walked through a long season of struggling with weight, calorie-restriction, and over-exercising. I was absolutely debilitated by my desire to make myself feel worthy of a love that has already been bought for me at great price. I turned to exercise and restricting my diet because it was something I could control, or at least that is what I thought. But as with most all impulsive and addictive habits, this struggle began to control me and I didn’t know how to fix the problem I had created. And what was worse is that I felt too ashamed to ask my friends and family for help because this was something I had done to myself, right? I have never in my life felt less worthy of love, acceptance, and forgiveness but I have also never been in more need of that grace.

My inability to love the body God gave me made me incapable of accepting the love of others and the love of Christ. The damage we can do to our bodies if we do not treat them like temples is huge – but the damage done to our hearts and relationships is far worse. I have to love myself before I can truly allow others to love me, before I can truly accept Christ’s love. We all have to understand that nothing about who we are has the power to make us more or less lovable to Christ. His love for us is far bigger than our own feelings of self-doubt or self-importance, and nothing can change the deep and unconditional love He has for us. We are His beloved daughters – He is well pleased with us and in Him we have an everlasting and unfading beauty. Let’s come together as sisters in Christ, carry each other’s burdens, and remember that each of has a unique beauty given to us by God. Let us journey through life together as we learn how to outwardly express our inner God-given beauty."