Streams of Abundance

I have started so many posts off with this sentiment, but snap, I cannot believe it is already the first day of October!  Like seriously, where in the world did September go?  It's like I blinked and all of a sudden it was over.  October is one of my favorite months of the year for a lot of reasons...for one fall is finally here and the leaves are already starting to change in the High Country.  It also marks the official start to the "pumpkin season" where all those tasty pumpkin treats re-appear on coffee shop menus and bakery shelves, and my dad will make his first annual batch of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies...YUM!  In addition to all that pumpkin spice deliciousness, October is my birthday month which means celebrations of another year of memories and growth.  And just as the season is changing in nature, I feel like God is starting a new season in my journey, and I can't help but look forward in hopeful expectation for what is to come.

the beginnings of the leaf color change

On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said,rivers of living water will flow from within them." - John 7:37-38 (emphasis mine)

 I have been taking time lately to rest and reflect, and this pervading sense of abundance has been filling me up and overflowing in me.  The Lord is flooding my heart with streams of living water and a renewed joy and vitality for life.  It feels like new breath is filling my lungs and restoring me from the inside out.

In the past year and a half or so I have been in this sort of personality funk - it  isn't that I haven't enjoyed things or been happy, but I haven't really been myself.  I have fallen prey to letting my identity become wrapped up in other things and seriously doubting the worth I have been given as an adopted daughter of Christ.  My parents and those who know me best have noted the changes in my spirit and told me that I have seemed at odds and overall dissatisfied.  It took me a little longer to come to terms with this but I could see how my life had been reduced to kind of just drifting through life, being physically present without being truly invested or engaged in my interactions.  I don't think I was like this because I wanted to be reclusive and to shut myself off from relationships.  I had just let my anxiety and preoccupation with being in control cripple my ability to enjoy life.

The beautiful part of this story comes in the fact that Jesus has never left my side throughout this journey and my friends and especially my family have supported me every step of the way.  Day-by-day and moment-by-moment God has been renewing me and restoring me.  He is continually pouring out His streams of abundant grace on me and lavishing me with His love.  Throughout this process He is freeing me from the crushing weight of my anxiety and freeing me to know Him more fully and to rejoice in and embrace my relationships/experiences.  He is reminding me that He has the victory over my sin, and He is calling me to rest and abide in His presence.  I am finding that I am constantly falling more deeply in love with my Savior.  I am tasting and seeing that He is good - so, so good.

This past weekend my parents came up to Boone to visit me for family weekend and it was amazing to have them in the High Country for a couple days.  Anyone who is close to me knows that I am really close with my parents; they are my best friends and I am unbelievably thankful for them.  They are the two people that have walked by me the closest through this season of being in a funk and they have been there with me to rejoice in how God is changing me.  There were so many moments throughout the weekend when I just stopped to think about how different my spirit/demeanor was.  It's like I hadn't realized just how dry my heart had become until I experienced the fullness of joy only God could restore in me.  He has been and continues to be so faithful to transform my heart and make me new.  It truly is as if His rivers of living water are flowing from the very depths of my heart.

It is an ongoing journey but I am so encouraged by how I am seeing the Lord's goodness become tangible and real in my heart.  He is so much more than words on a page or a set of theological ideas; He is my Father and friend who cares deeply for the condition of my soul.  And the same is true for each and every one of us.  No matter where we are or how far we may feel from Him, He will never leave or forsake us.  He will pursue us recklessly and draw us back into His presence because He cares deeply and intimately for us.  He longs to see us experience His fullness, to drink and be satisfied by His streams of abundance.  And as we abide and rest in Him we are freed to taste and see that He is good for ourselves.