Conundrum of Co-Existence
With it being my last semester in college at Appalachian, the question of what I'll be doing after graduation comes up with alarming frequency. There are a lot of different things on my radar, but to be honest, I have no idea what life will look like come May. This blank canvas of sorts is both exciting and slightly terrifying. As I have been looking into different opportunities, God is opening my eyes to some of the things I am passionate about. I feel like God is really burdening my heart for missions and I think I want to be involved in ministry in some capacity. And while I am seeking out how this will manifest itself, God is revitalizing how I view and approach missions.
Winter weekends in Boone can be a little bleak when most of my friends go home, and with the MLK holiday coming up, I was really tempted to go home. But I wanted to be able to go the Crossroads service at Boone UMC, and unfortunately you can't always have your cake and eat it too. I decided to stay up here even though I had no immediate plans for the weekend. I was feeling a little at odds today, largely I think, because loneliness and idle time make me uncomfortable. Without busy things planned, I had a lot of time to think about things I have been convicted about lately.
Because journaling always seems to help me process, I decided to go camp out at Starbucks with a big cup of coffee and just spend some quality time with the Lord. I didn't realize just how much I needed this and how refreshing it was to give words to my thoughts. As I wrote, the roots of some of my internal conflict started to unravel. And while I didn't come away with tangible answers, I was able to acknowledge some things that are on my heart and start to pray for wisdom and discernment.
As I said earlier, I have been feeling drawn to pursuing working in missions in some capacity after graduation. This is a little scary being that it is somewhat of a departure from my degree in exercise science with a minor in mathematics. But the more I look into job possibilities, the harder it is for me to imagine myself doing anything else. As God is shaking up my preconceived ideas about what my occupation might be one day, he is also challenging me to re-evaluate my understanding of missions.
I just recently finished The Poisonwood Bible and in the Fall semester I read Heart of Darkness and Things Fall Apart. All three of these are fictional books that explore colonization of the African Congo. The themes are ideas proposed in these novels have really resonated with me. I feel like superiority and a distorted view of our own self-importance is so ingrained into our culture. Whether it be religion, politics, or any other hot-button issue, we tend to look down on other people's beliefs or ways of life as either wrong or somehow inferior. This is something I am convicted about when thinking about the posture and condition of my own heart. I do not want to be so deceived as to believe that I have a corner-market on how to live life and approach being a disciple. The reality is that I have just as much to learn from others as I do to teach or share with them. So I think to be most effective, missions have to be about co-existing, and coming alongside others to seek answers together. I don't have answers or solutions to offer, but I do have a heart to seek them with my neighbors, and I have hope that in Christ we might find them. This may seem like somewhat of a romanticized view of ministry, but it is what the Lord is placing on my heart.
Kind of along the same line, I have also been wrestling with the conundrum of how to live in the world but not of the world. It makes me so sad to think about how much I depend on technology to both make my world intelligible and mediate my relationships and interactions. I lived at least the first thirteen years of my life without a cellphone, and now I probably couldn't comfortably live a day without one. This is something I am still looking for discernment about. The conclusion I have come to so far is that these things can be redeemed if they are used well. If I am a good steward of the technology I have access to, I can use it in a way that seeks to advance the Kingdom and share the glory of God with my surroundings. The mediators between the created and the creator receive meaning and worth when they are surrendered unto the Lord.
The other way I am wrestling with what I will call the conundrum of co-existence, is figuring out how to balance preparing for the future and being fully present in the moment. My last semester of college is both an exiting time of opportunity and blessings and a challenging time of transition. I don't want to let my fear of the unknown scream louder than the whispers of the Lord speaking to my heart. Even without knowing what life will look like post-graduation, my main hope is that whatever I am doing and wherever I end up, I am living a life of radical discipleship. I want to stop worrying about all the what, when, where, and hows, and starts asking why not and trusting that God will be faithful to fill in all the gaps. Life is far more beautiful and complex than my games of cause and effect, and praise God for that truth.
Winter weekends in Boone can be a little bleak when most of my friends go home, and with the MLK holiday coming up, I was really tempted to go home. But I wanted to be able to go the Crossroads service at Boone UMC, and unfortunately you can't always have your cake and eat it too. I decided to stay up here even though I had no immediate plans for the weekend. I was feeling a little at odds today, largely I think, because loneliness and idle time make me uncomfortable. Without busy things planned, I had a lot of time to think about things I have been convicted about lately.
Because journaling always seems to help me process, I decided to go camp out at Starbucks with a big cup of coffee and just spend some quality time with the Lord. I didn't realize just how much I needed this and how refreshing it was to give words to my thoughts. As I wrote, the roots of some of my internal conflict started to unravel. And while I didn't come away with tangible answers, I was able to acknowledge some things that are on my heart and start to pray for wisdom and discernment.
As I said earlier, I have been feeling drawn to pursuing working in missions in some capacity after graduation. This is a little scary being that it is somewhat of a departure from my degree in exercise science with a minor in mathematics. But the more I look into job possibilities, the harder it is for me to imagine myself doing anything else. As God is shaking up my preconceived ideas about what my occupation might be one day, he is also challenging me to re-evaluate my understanding of missions.
I just recently finished The Poisonwood Bible and in the Fall semester I read Heart of Darkness and Things Fall Apart. All three of these are fictional books that explore colonization of the African Congo. The themes are ideas proposed in these novels have really resonated with me. I feel like superiority and a distorted view of our own self-importance is so ingrained into our culture. Whether it be religion, politics, or any other hot-button issue, we tend to look down on other people's beliefs or ways of life as either wrong or somehow inferior. This is something I am convicted about when thinking about the posture and condition of my own heart. I do not want to be so deceived as to believe that I have a corner-market on how to live life and approach being a disciple. The reality is that I have just as much to learn from others as I do to teach or share with them. So I think to be most effective, missions have to be about co-existing, and coming alongside others to seek answers together. I don't have answers or solutions to offer, but I do have a heart to seek them with my neighbors, and I have hope that in Christ we might find them. This may seem like somewhat of a romanticized view of ministry, but it is what the Lord is placing on my heart.
Kind of along the same line, I have also been wrestling with the conundrum of how to live in the world but not of the world. It makes me so sad to think about how much I depend on technology to both make my world intelligible and mediate my relationships and interactions. I lived at least the first thirteen years of my life without a cellphone, and now I probably couldn't comfortably live a day without one. This is something I am still looking for discernment about. The conclusion I have come to so far is that these things can be redeemed if they are used well. If I am a good steward of the technology I have access to, I can use it in a way that seeks to advance the Kingdom and share the glory of God with my surroundings. The mediators between the created and the creator receive meaning and worth when they are surrendered unto the Lord.
The other way I am wrestling with what I will call the conundrum of co-existence, is figuring out how to balance preparing for the future and being fully present in the moment. My last semester of college is both an exiting time of opportunity and blessings and a challenging time of transition. I don't want to let my fear of the unknown scream louder than the whispers of the Lord speaking to my heart. Even without knowing what life will look like post-graduation, my main hope is that whatever I am doing and wherever I end up, I am living a life of radical discipleship. I want to stop worrying about all the what, when, where, and hows, and starts asking why not and trusting that God will be faithful to fill in all the gaps. Life is far more beautiful and complex than my games of cause and effect, and praise God for that truth.
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