Hide-and-Seek Rules

This past week, I had the privilege of attending my second Florida Annual Conference. It was amazing to reflect on all that God has done in my heart and my life over the past year. Last year at Conference, everything felt new, foreign, and slightly terrifying. It was a somewhat strange feeling to be being commissioned into an AC where I knew very few people.


Since I grew up in North Carolina, most of the pastors and church leaders who have mentored me and poured into my life are in the North Carolina or Western North Carolina Conferences. So, it was a little weird to not have the same sense of celebration that some of my fellow clergy being commissioned did. It was still an occasion full of celebration and recognizing all that God had done in my life to bring me to that point, but there weren't people in the Conference who had seen me grow up, seen me sense a call, and seen me grow in my leadership and confidence.


It was so refreshing and encouraging to go to Conference this year and actually have friends to see and catch-up with. Even something as simple as actually having people I knew that Shane and I could sit with during sessions felt like a gift. Conference also provided me with an opportunity to slow down and take time to reflect on my first full year in ministry. And as I sat in worship services, I constantly found myself holding back tears, as I was absolutely overwhelmed by the Lord's faithfulness over the past year.

Even though I was being commissioned last year and preparing to serve as the senior pastor at my first church, I did not feel ready. To be completely honest, I was scared out of my mind, and genuinely terrified of the new role I was stepping in to. Being a senior pastor right out of seminary was not the plan I had in mind for myself. I pretty much begged God, and anyone on the Cabinet, to make me an associate pastor. I was praying for it with the desperation of a fish on land trying to find water. But, God's plans were bigger (and so much better) than the plans I had for myself.

When I found out I was being appointed to Wesley UMC as their solo pastor, I will never forget the strange mixture of excitement, wonder, terror, and just about everything in between that I felt leading up to my first Sunday. But, even though I still wasn't sure if I felt ready, I showed up. Week after week, I continued showing up and doing the best I could with the gifts God has given me. And you know what, even though the nervousness didn't go away, I fell more deeply in love with this congregation of beautiful children of God. They love me despite my imperfections and they give me to space and grace to continue growing as their pastor and leader.

There are still a lot of days, if not most days, when the calling to be a pastor feels overwhelming. But, I think that is because, if I'm thinking about this calling in human terms, thinking about my own skills and abilities, it will always be too big and too much for me to handle. That's because this calling is not about my abilities, my skills, or my strength. It's all about the beautiful surrender of submitting myself to be used by God. It's about opening myself up to the Holy Spirit's work in and through me. And it's about the never-ending flow of Christ's love redeeming and restoring me each day.

This calling IS so much bigger than me, but it is NOT bigger than God.

Over the past year, I have grown more as a person and a pastor than I ever would have dreamed when I started this new journey. And as I have been thinking about this over the past week or so, I have been thinking about the crazy way that God calls us. Again and again, God calls us to things that feel so much bigger than us, things that we don't think we are ready for, things that we aren't even sure if we can handle.

But, as I look back on my own calling to serve in a role I didn't feel ready for, I am so glad that God doesn't let our fears or hesitations hinder the calling he has for us. I am so glad that God calls us using hide-and-seek rules.

Ready or not, God calls us to new adventures. Ready or not, God calls us to follow him into great unknowns. Ready or not, God calls us to things we don't feel ready for.

Ready or not, God is calling us - let's never let our fears keep us from saying, "here I come!"