Making Peace with Failure
So, in my journal at the end of 2018, I sat down and jotted down reflections on 2018. I think I wrote about things that went well, things that were challenging, and other typical end of year musings. After I did that, I wrote out different dreams, aspirations, and goals for the year of 2019. One of the things that was on my list of goals was to blog at least once a month, with the optimistic parenthetical addition that I might even do more than one post a month.
Well, here we are starting the last week of March and I have written exactly one other blog post in the past three months (#winning.....). As the perfectionist I am, I was a little disappointed in myself for failing to complete this goal. Heck, I had already failed by the second month of the year!
But, as I've thought more about it, I am realizing that it would be completely ridiculous for me to get upset for not meeting one aspirational goal I set for 2019. February was a hard month, life was stressful, I often felt like I was just trying to keep my head above water, and I was struggling with an intense case of imposter syndrome. As much as I wish it wasn't the case, most all of these feelings bled right over into March. There is a strong chance they might even linger on into April.
When I look at that list of things, part of me feels like I am just making excuses. I tell myself that I should be able to handle these things better, that I should be able to just stop worrying, that I should be a lot more confident and sure of myself. But, those self-deprecating thoughts are the problem! They are not the solution!
Sure, I didn't write blog posts in February, and the one I wrote in January was more of just saying, "hey, cool, I started this blog eight years ago." But who cares? Maybe my ever-faithful mom, dad, and grandparents who always read my blog posts....but beyond them, the chances are that no one else would even notice. And I am almost positive that no one would echo my feelings of failure for not blogging more.
What I am learning, though, is that I need to make peace with "failing" in my life. Because when I feel like I have failed, even failed at goals or standards that I made up in my own head, that usually sends me deep into a shame spiral where I doubt everything. I have not learned Ariana Grande's art of being able to just shrug and say, "Thank you, next." Even the thought or fear of failure gives me serious anxiety - it will essentially paralyze me and keep me from taking risks or doing things that scare me. But I am so tired of being ruled by this fear of failure!
I often think of failure as this worst case scenario type of thing, so I avoid it at all costs. But the more I grow, and learn, and mature, the more I realize that failing really isn't the worst case scenario. The worst case is being so afraid of failure that I don't even try. The worst case scenario is being so afraid of failure that I never reach my full potential and never live into the strong, confident woman God has called me to be.
So, I am reclaiming the gift of failure. I am making peace with it (or trying to, let's be honest...). Because if I do end up failing, at least I know that I am striving towards dreams that are big enough to challenge me. Failure is not the enemy - hiding because of fear is the enemy. So, to my long-held fear of failure, "thank you, next."
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| Dreams/goals for 2019 |
But, as I've thought more about it, I am realizing that it would be completely ridiculous for me to get upset for not meeting one aspirational goal I set for 2019. February was a hard month, life was stressful, I often felt like I was just trying to keep my head above water, and I was struggling with an intense case of imposter syndrome. As much as I wish it wasn't the case, most all of these feelings bled right over into March. There is a strong chance they might even linger on into April.
When I look at that list of things, part of me feels like I am just making excuses. I tell myself that I should be able to handle these things better, that I should be able to just stop worrying, that I should be a lot more confident and sure of myself. But, those self-deprecating thoughts are the problem! They are not the solution!
Sure, I didn't write blog posts in February, and the one I wrote in January was more of just saying, "hey, cool, I started this blog eight years ago." But who cares? Maybe my ever-faithful mom, dad, and grandparents who always read my blog posts....but beyond them, the chances are that no one else would even notice. And I am almost positive that no one would echo my feelings of failure for not blogging more.
What I am learning, though, is that I need to make peace with "failing" in my life. Because when I feel like I have failed, even failed at goals or standards that I made up in my own head, that usually sends me deep into a shame spiral where I doubt everything. I have not learned Ariana Grande's art of being able to just shrug and say, "Thank you, next." Even the thought or fear of failure gives me serious anxiety - it will essentially paralyze me and keep me from taking risks or doing things that scare me. But I am so tired of being ruled by this fear of failure!
I often think of failure as this worst case scenario type of thing, so I avoid it at all costs. But the more I grow, and learn, and mature, the more I realize that failing really isn't the worst case scenario. The worst case is being so afraid of failure that I don't even try. The worst case scenario is being so afraid of failure that I never reach my full potential and never live into the strong, confident woman God has called me to be.
So, I am reclaiming the gift of failure. I am making peace with it (or trying to, let's be honest...). Because if I do end up failing, at least I know that I am striving towards dreams that are big enough to challenge me. Failure is not the enemy - hiding because of fear is the enemy. So, to my long-held fear of failure, "thank you, next."
Have you ever heard of Mel Robbins? She just did a video series about anxiety that was really good. Her language is sometimes a little colorful but... She had a tip for test anxiety that really worked for Paige. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI like the referenced Ariana Grande song. As you are reaching for your goals, if you need it I have shoulders you can stand on to get you a little higher.
ReplyDelete