For Everyone Born

I've been trying to think of the first time I encountered or became aware of homosexuality, but I genuinely can't remember. Given that I grew up in Asheville, NC, the odds are pretty good that I should have, I just don't have concsious memories of it. I can however, remember when I began to hear people questioning if homosexuality was wrong or sinful. And, for much of my life, I sort of adopted the mentality that was handed to me by the church. 

For most of my life, I remember being told, "the Bible says it's wrong, so that's the end of it." And as a kid, I really had a blind acceptance of whatever I was told by my church. I had an almost problematic level of trust in the teaching I received from my church. Of course, the reason that I now see the level of trust I put in messages I received from the church as problematic is because I know the importance of critical thinking. 

As I grew and matured in my faith journey, I learned that I didn't have to be a sponge that absorbed and accepted everything I was taught or told. I could raise questions, disagree with ideas, and have a faith that was dynamic and active. Instead of simply being a passive recipient of other people's ideas, I began to read and interpret scripture with more intention and curiousity. And, while I can't remember the first time I encountered same-sex relationships, I can remember when my understanding of LGBTQ issues began to evolve. 

 Looking back, I grieve all the years I spent believing that homosexuality was wrong or somehow sinful. I regret all the many times I echoed people's call to "hate the sin and love the sinner." Because as I have continued to learn and grow in my own understanding of God, these notions no longer fit into my understanding of what it truly means to love others. 

 For years, I thought homosexuality was a sin because that is the only messaging the church ever gave me. I didn't feel like I could have a different opinion while maintaining my own faith. But, over the years, I have seen and known countless people who came out as members of the LGBTQ community. I have seen their faith and devotion to Jesus - and for so many of them, I have seen how they wrestled with and prayed about this part of their identity. My own faith and relationship with Jesus has been shaped and deepened by individuals who are LGBTQ. I would not be the person I am today without their love, grace, and example of what it looks like to follow Jesus. But, I have also seen the church fail LGBTQ persons time and time again, all while claiming to love and welcome them as persons of sacred worth. 

As a lifelong United Methodist who now serves as a pastor, the conflict surrounding issues of human sexuality have become increasingly difficult to navigate. It breaks my heart to think of how much division and hatred there has been as people in our denomination have argued over these issues. It continues to be a delicate topic to navigate as a pastor serving diverse churches because I don't want my personal theology to become a barrier to my ability to lead and serve well. But, even on the hardest days when I feel discouraged and alienated, I remember the distinct privilege I have as a straight, cis-gender, white woman. These conversations and debates and tensions must be so painful and traumatizing for our LGBTQ siblings. 

And, because I recognize the privilege I carry, I continue to show up each day as I strive to follow Jesus and love people well. I am still discerning what it looks like to use my pastoral voice in the midst of our UMC divisions. But, I am becoming increasingly convinced of my conviction that the love and grace of God is always more inclusive and unconditional than we are. In a way, hearing conversations that use broad-brush strokes to generalize "liberals" as unbiblical and immoral is helping to crystalize my own understanding of who God is. 

I now see the flaws in saying things like "I love you, I just don't agree with your lifestyle." Because we would never look at a straight couple and call their marriage a lifestyle. Our sexuality is not just a lifestyle, it is a part of who we are, a part of who God created us to be. I know this mentality will make some in my denomination uncomfortable or even angry. But, I simply cannot believe that God's love would not extend to include love in all its unique expressions. In scripture, I see time and time again the way that Jesus' love crossed barriers and divisions. 

Even in biblical days, Jesus' love was several steps ahead of what the religious leaders were comfortable with; Jesus wasn't afraid to break a couple rules in the name of extending mercy and love. While I will still abide by the covenants I took as a United Methodist clergy person, I will also continue to advocate for an inclusive church. With God's help, I hope to be a co-creator of a church that is welcoming to all people, not only in word but also in action. This work feels more important than ever, but because the Holy Spirit is working in our midst, I approach this work with hope.