Blessed Beyond Belief

Wow! I cannot believe that summer 2011 of Carolina Cross Connection is really over already.  I sit here at home, still completely overwhelmed by all that God has done this summer through our ministry.  I am absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed but it is so glorious.  This summer has been far more amazing than I ever could have imagined and God has revealed His face and His love to me like never before.  To put it simply, this summer God has blessed me beyond belief.

The six people with me in this picture were my staff this summer, but really they were my family.  I love each and every one of them so much and cannot imagine having spent my summer serving and seeking God's Kingdom with any one else.  In the back are our two boys, Michael and Brent, who were crazy but they always watched out for us and kept us safe.  In the front, from left to right there is Ellen, myself, Briana, Haley, and Alex.  I love these ladies like sisters.  We are all a little crazy but this summer we became a family and these six people have my heart.  We have laughed more this summer than I ever have before, we have shared in each others' stresses, we have cried with and for each other, we have had fun together, we have been exhausted together, but more than anything we have grown to love each other and experienced what life to the full really looks like.  At the beginning of the summer our staff wrote a covenant and we talked about what we wanted to hold each other accountable to this summer.  One verse that started out our summer was 1 Peter 4:8-11; it says,

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.  If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.  If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.  To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Throughout all the different things that happened this summer at camp Loy White our staff was held together by the deep love we have for each other.  Whether we were hunting for the skunk named Aroma in the wee hours of the morning, sharing in each others brokenness, crying together, worshiping together, losing kickball together, laughing about Alex going to a funeral home for a donation; nothing we did this summer would have been possible without all of us and the unique gifts we brought to the table.

Another verse that really shaped our summer was John 10:10 which says,

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

That is a lot of what this summer was all about, experiencing a glimpse of what God longs for our lives to look like.  This summer was about breaking down walls and embracing God's reverse Kingdom.  We had the opportunity to serve so many families and to be God's hands and feet as we loved the crap out of His children.  And after years of being a part of Carolina Cross Connection it still blows me away to see how much of a blessing the families we work for are to me.  Some of the families that are the most devastating cases of poverty are the most spiritually rich people I have ever met.  This summer has reminded me that we should never look at impoverished people as the least of these based off their financial standing or social class.  Proverbs 22:2 says, "The rich and the poor have this in common, the LORD is the maker of them all."  The truth is we are all God's children and in His Kingdom things of this world have no lasting value, so we must break down the wall that separates the rich and the poor and live generously and love God's children recklessly.

At staff training we talked a lot about the Beatitudes and just how blessed we really are and these verses have come to mean something even more to me than they did in that moment.  Many of the things that the sermon on the mount labels as blessed are the same things that we consider to be negative experiences in life.  Things like mourning and loss don't usually make us feel blessed but this summer I have seen blessings come through both of these things.  During our third camp week on Thursday morning we were meeting as a staff when the office called to let us know that a member of my youth group who had recently been in an accident had been taken off life support that morning.  I never really knew Donnie all that well but I knew how much he meant to my youth group and my heart broke for them.  I could not imagine what they were feeling when they got that news at camp and I wanted so badly to just be there with them because they are my family and I love them.  I called my best friend Katy that morning after I got the news to see how they were all doing and I told her that I wished I could be there with them and she told me something that really stuck with me.  She said I know we wish you could be here too but if we had you here they couldn't have you there and they need you more than we do right now.  She was referring to the fact that I needed to be at Loy White with my staff and my campers because it was where God needed me to be.  The idea of being in the place where God has called me to be has been hard at times this summer because there are so many things going on outside of camp that I try to worry about.  Each week we have a worship centered around 1 Corinthians 7:17 which says,

"And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.  Where you are right now is God's place for you.  Live and obey and love and believe right there."

It has been so hard to really live out this verse, but as a staff we all held each other accountable to let go and let God.  Our campers and the people we are working for deserve our very best.  And to give them our best we have to be where we are and let God work through us and provide for our needs.

I have realized this summer just how hard this idea of dependence is for me.  I see showing my need for others as a sign of weakness and it is hard for me to be loved by others.  I often build up walls and close myself off from those closest to me and truly, from God's love.  I can't experience the fullness of God's love unless I surrender control and let myself be loved by others.  I was smacked in the face with this reality this summer.  God used my staff to break down those walls that I so often hide behind.  The night after I found out that Donnie had passed away it was clear that my heart wasn't really there and it was broken.  That night, Briana did a staff devotional where she played Count on Me by Bruno Mars and talked about the importance of us being there for one another as a staff.  The night before that we had had our testimony worship and I had shared about my inability to let others into my life and I had told Briana that I didn't know what it was but my heart wasn't fully there and I felt detached.  And in her devotional she just had me sit in the middle of our staff as they all prayed over me and my heart.  It was one of those moments where love just broke down the walls in my heart and my staff just loved on me and held me as I cried.  I really can't explain the feeling but it is a night I will never forget.  That week in particular I was so overwhelmed by God's love on display through community and just the unconditional love that God and my camp family showered down on me.

Like that night, there have been these moments at camp this summer of complete clarity where everything in life just makes sense.  I think the reason why camp is so amazing and we so often call it a mountain top experience is because for a week we experience what God desires for our lives to look like.  For a week we are immersed in a community consumed by the love of Christ, we seek His face and we come with hearts expecting Him to do amazing things.  We see Him reveal His face to us far beyond anything we imagine or expect and it is AMAZING.  This is what real life could and should look like.  After everything God has shown me this summer I cannot imagine being satisfied with anything less than full life in Him.  At celebration a few days ago the staff and the whole CCC community had the opportunity to worship together one last time as we shared in how God had been at work through our ministry.  We worshiped freely and praised the amazing God that made our summer possible.  In that moment nothing else mattered except for calling out to God and holding nothing back from Him.  I long for that to be my normal; I long to be captivated and consumed by Him, so filled by His presence that nothing of this world matters anymore.  This summer was such a blessing but the work that God has called us into is even more glorious.  It is time to make this my normal and live life to the edge of all that  God has created me to be.