Art of Not-Knowing
After my first semester of seminary, it is especially nice to be at home for break over the holidays. Before I started school and moved to Georgia, I had never been out of North Carolina for more than 2 1/2 consecutive weeks. Luckily I have found an amazing support network and group of friends at Candler, so the transition has been a great adventure!
Semester one of six was certainly one for the books - full of late nights of studying, building new relationships, reading around the clock, writing lots of papers, laughing, making memories, drinking ALL the coffee, learning new things, and continuing to discern my call into ministry. Through the highs and the lows, and everything in between, I have really enjoyed this new journey.
With all learning experiences, there is some degree of "not-knowing" and I am trying to be okay with that because it is, like it or not, inevitable. Sometimes the not-knowing is as simple as figuring out whether Brittany or I are going to kill the bug we find in our apartment....or if a leaking dishwasher constitutes as an "emergency" call to the maintenance people. Other times it is slightly more complicated, like trying to figure out holiday/summer plans....or what to study for upcoming exams....or worse yet how to stay sane navigating ATL traffic. And sometimes the not-knowing is much bigger than all of these things, so big that I know that there is no quick and easy answer. This sort of not-knowing is more of a state of being than a question with an answer - this sort of not-knowing requires discernment and some tact.
The more troubling, challenging questions in life require what I will call the art of not-knowing. As a white female, I have no idea how to appropriately respond to the incidents in Fergusson this fall. How do I honor the fact that black lives matter without forgetting the much bigger message that ALL lives matter? I am not going to even pretend like I have a good answer to that question, and I'm not even sure there is one, but I am ready to seek them with others. Part of this art of not-knowing is a willingness to admit that I don't have the answers that I seek, and a humility to acknowledge that I can't find them on my own.
My life is full of things I don't know, but I am learning that that is totally okay! I don't know how to feel about all the violence in our world both in action and in reaction to events; I don't know how to faithfully love my neighbor even if I don't agree with them about religion; I am not quite sure how to feel about reconciliation efforts in churches; I don't know how to mediate the historicity of scripture with its modern implications; I don't know how I feel about mega-churches, or how they so often preach a distorted prosperity gospel. The list could literally go on forever of all the things I don't know, or those that I am not sure about. But the important thing is not finding answers to these questions, or somehow mastering them with knowledge. I am constantly reminded that I am not called to know the answers; I am called to be faithfully willing to seek the answers. The art of not-knowing is all about a willingness to learn, to grow, to be taught, to discuss, to admit that you're wrong, to seek, to study, and to open your mind to be transformed by the Author of all our questions and answers.
Semester one of six was certainly one for the books - full of late nights of studying, building new relationships, reading around the clock, writing lots of papers, laughing, making memories, drinking ALL the coffee, learning new things, and continuing to discern my call into ministry. Through the highs and the lows, and everything in between, I have really enjoyed this new journey.
With all learning experiences, there is some degree of "not-knowing" and I am trying to be okay with that because it is, like it or not, inevitable. Sometimes the not-knowing is as simple as figuring out whether Brittany or I are going to kill the bug we find in our apartment....or if a leaking dishwasher constitutes as an "emergency" call to the maintenance people. Other times it is slightly more complicated, like trying to figure out holiday/summer plans....or what to study for upcoming exams....or worse yet how to stay sane navigating ATL traffic. And sometimes the not-knowing is much bigger than all of these things, so big that I know that there is no quick and easy answer. This sort of not-knowing is more of a state of being than a question with an answer - this sort of not-knowing requires discernment and some tact.
The more troubling, challenging questions in life require what I will call the art of not-knowing. As a white female, I have no idea how to appropriately respond to the incidents in Fergusson this fall. How do I honor the fact that black lives matter without forgetting the much bigger message that ALL lives matter? I am not going to even pretend like I have a good answer to that question, and I'm not even sure there is one, but I am ready to seek them with others. Part of this art of not-knowing is a willingness to admit that I don't have the answers that I seek, and a humility to acknowledge that I can't find them on my own.
My life is full of things I don't know, but I am learning that that is totally okay! I don't know how to feel about all the violence in our world both in action and in reaction to events; I don't know how to faithfully love my neighbor even if I don't agree with them about religion; I am not quite sure how to feel about reconciliation efforts in churches; I don't know how to mediate the historicity of scripture with its modern implications; I don't know how I feel about mega-churches, or how they so often preach a distorted prosperity gospel. The list could literally go on forever of all the things I don't know, or those that I am not sure about. But the important thing is not finding answers to these questions, or somehow mastering them with knowledge. I am constantly reminded that I am not called to know the answers; I am called to be faithfully willing to seek the answers. The art of not-knowing is all about a willingness to learn, to grow, to be taught, to discuss, to admit that you're wrong, to seek, to study, and to open your mind to be transformed by the Author of all our questions and answers.
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