I Call Myself ____________
Yesterday I had my last day of my Intro to Pastoral Care class which is just so hard to believe! We closed out the semester the same way we opened it, with an activity called the liberated circle. Our professor calls our classroom the laboratory of discovery, and this activity is somewhat of a tradition. The liberated circle starts with all of us standing in a circle and singing a song together as we spiral into the center of the room. Imagine it forming a giant cinnamon roll style circle.
At the beginning of the semester I said that "from my center, to the center of all things, I call myself beloved daughter." Not necessarily because it is easy for me to believe, but because every day my prayer is to believe in my heart that I am a beloved daughter of God. I call myself beloved daughter because I am so sick and tired of how our society distorts our view of "beauty" and commodifies people. It breaks my heart to see so many people forever question if they will ever be good enough. Far too much of my time and energy has been spent asking myself that very same question and that calls for change!
As to the question of why am I here, I talked about being at seminary because in recovering from my own struggle with body image, self-confidence, and anxiety I am passionate about connecting care for physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health. My faith is the anchor that keeps me grounded and reminds me that no matter what lies the devil or society tries to tell me, I am God's daughter. He says to us in Isaiah 43:1 "I have called you by name, you are Mine." And a huge part of the reason I am at seminary is because I want to help others find the truth and hope that that promise holds.
When our final class was starting, I was feeling tired and a little stressed about upcoming exams. To be honest, I was not really jazzed about the whole emotional touchy-feely stuff. When the activity started in the latter-half of class I just started reflecting, and trying to listen for God to put something on my heart to share. Once it came to mind, I immediately knew that it was such an apt description for my experience this semester.
I am still beloved daughter, but the truth I spoke was that "from my center, to the center of all things, I call myself alive." Sometimes that means feeling like not all the coffee in the world could keep me awake to do all my readings for classes. Sometimes it means feeling slap-happy as just about anything and everything becomes funny when you haven't slept much. Sometimes it means feeling nervous and vulnerable about new relationships in a new place, while at the same time feeling excited. Sometimes it means feeling overwhelmed by the enormity and depth of homelessness in ATL, and all the things I see and hear at my ConEd site. Sometimes these emotions are really great, and sometimes they really stink, but good or bad, they sure beat feeling nothing at all. Having experienced seasons in the past where it felt like I was numbly going through the motions of life without being fully present, I celebrate the opportunity to say that I call myself alive.
As to where I go from here, I plunge deeper into the liminal space that is seminary. This transitional period of feeling called to ministry, but not yet at the place of living that out in my professional vocation. It means continuing on this journey of remembering my past, rediscovering my passions, and reimagining what I dream and hope the future will look like. Going forward from this semester, I delight in feeling more alive and present than I have in a long time. It means going with the flow, or at least trying to, and enjoying this whirlwind journey of seminary and making this transitional season a sacrament in and of itself and not just a means to an end.
"Spiraling into the center, the center of the wheel. Spiraling into the center, the center of the wheel. I am the weaver, I am the woven one. I am the dreamer, I am the dream."So after we sing this song and spiral back out to a big circle, the floor is open for us to take turns coming to the center of the circle to "speak our truth." There is a beautiful story stick that Dr. Ellison has been using for years that you hold while you complete the following statement, "From my center to the center of all things, I call myself ________________." The first class of the semester we answered the question "Why are you here?" and for our closing class we answered "Where do you go from here?" There has been so much growth, soul-searching, and learning these past few months, and this activity was a cool way to reflect on how far I have come.
At the beginning of the semester I said that "from my center, to the center of all things, I call myself beloved daughter." Not necessarily because it is easy for me to believe, but because every day my prayer is to believe in my heart that I am a beloved daughter of God. I call myself beloved daughter because I am so sick and tired of how our society distorts our view of "beauty" and commodifies people. It breaks my heart to see so many people forever question if they will ever be good enough. Far too much of my time and energy has been spent asking myself that very same question and that calls for change!
As to the question of why am I here, I talked about being at seminary because in recovering from my own struggle with body image, self-confidence, and anxiety I am passionate about connecting care for physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health. My faith is the anchor that keeps me grounded and reminds me that no matter what lies the devil or society tries to tell me, I am God's daughter. He says to us in Isaiah 43:1 "I have called you by name, you are Mine." And a huge part of the reason I am at seminary is because I want to help others find the truth and hope that that promise holds.
When our final class was starting, I was feeling tired and a little stressed about upcoming exams. To be honest, I was not really jazzed about the whole emotional touchy-feely stuff. When the activity started in the latter-half of class I just started reflecting, and trying to listen for God to put something on my heart to share. Once it came to mind, I immediately knew that it was such an apt description for my experience this semester.
I am still beloved daughter, but the truth I spoke was that "from my center, to the center of all things, I call myself alive." Sometimes that means feeling like not all the coffee in the world could keep me awake to do all my readings for classes. Sometimes it means feeling slap-happy as just about anything and everything becomes funny when you haven't slept much. Sometimes it means feeling nervous and vulnerable about new relationships in a new place, while at the same time feeling excited. Sometimes it means feeling overwhelmed by the enormity and depth of homelessness in ATL, and all the things I see and hear at my ConEd site. Sometimes these emotions are really great, and sometimes they really stink, but good or bad, they sure beat feeling nothing at all. Having experienced seasons in the past where it felt like I was numbly going through the motions of life without being fully present, I celebrate the opportunity to say that I call myself alive.
As to where I go from here, I plunge deeper into the liminal space that is seminary. This transitional period of feeling called to ministry, but not yet at the place of living that out in my professional vocation. It means continuing on this journey of remembering my past, rediscovering my passions, and reimagining what I dream and hope the future will look like. Going forward from this semester, I delight in feeling more alive and present than I have in a long time. It means going with the flow, or at least trying to, and enjoying this whirlwind journey of seminary and making this transitional season a sacrament in and of itself and not just a means to an end.
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